Firstly, this past couple of weeks has been a mix of ups, downs, and mids.
The ups – I was feeling pretty good about the progress I wanted to make, I had a couple of interviews lined up that went well, and overall I think I was making progress with my ADHD. Could I actually start leading a successful career like all of my friends? Maybe to increased dosage of my medication is working.
The downs – A very close friend of mine passed away. He was killed in a hit and run near his home in Florida – the person that struck him has not yet been found.
I hope that his family can get some closure and peace on this. Shawn truly did light up a room with his wit and fun-first attitude. As his brother said in the video below, Shawn had a huge heart and he really did care for others before he cared for himself.
RIP Shawn – the world is a little dimmer without you.
The mids – yesterday was a bad day. I am trying out this new thing where I don’t look at my phone for the first hour of the day. Apparently cell phone use early in the morning has a pretty detrimental impact on a person’s psychology and even more so with people that have ADHD.
- Screen Time and the Brain | Harvard Medical School
- The Effect of Cell Phones on Dopamine in the Brain | Momentous Institute
- Is Checking Your Phone In The Morning Sabotage? | Banner Health
The reason yesterday was bad was because I broke my newly acquired mantra and checked my phone within the first few minutes of waking up – in my email I found a job rejection notice and the legal agreement regarding my severance. Not a great start to the day and that kind of set the pace for how the rest of my day went. Needless to say, I didn’t get much done yesterday. I emailed the recruiter for the job I screened well for – have not yet heard back. Part of me thinks I’m going to get ghosted. So why are these the mids? Because I was able to close out the day without completely feeling like a failure for some reason.
Advice/suggestion for those that have ADHD or Depression – I definitely recommend trying this trick to not check your phone, emails, calendar, dick pics, etc. for the first hour of your day. See how it impacts your mood.
Today has been a better day – I got back to not checking my phone and so far, I feel a little more capable and willing to tackle the world today. The problem is that I’ve really been trying to figure out what it is exactly that I like to do, something that really gets me going, or something that I just know a lot about. I really can’t come up with anything – I don’t particularly like playing video games or watching TV, they are just things to do that distract me from my life. I do like to cook and bbq but I just don’t think that is a feasible way to feed my family. Family restaurants really become a huge burden for kids – when they should be at home playing, going to visit their friends, or just generally having a good time they are going to be at the family restaurant. I just don’t want that for them. I was that kid growing up – my father had his own business and whenever my mom would pick me up from school, we would head straight there and stay there until my dad closed up shop. On top of the family burden, the failure rate for restaurants is extremely high. There is a lot of risk associated with opening a restaurant and the numbers simply don’t make sense to me. The amount of overhead for a restaurant is absurd and for very small margins.
I just don’t know what my place is.
Anyways, that’s it for today.
See you again soon,
Lost Millenial